"5 STEPS TO A MORE FULFILLING LIFE"

Welcome to Lesson One:

Creating a Powerful & Positive Self Image

Welcome to your first instalment of “5 steps to a More Fulfilling Life”.

It might seem strange but the first lesson in this course is the one that is likely to have the most profound and positive effect on you.

You may have been expecting me to start off small and build up to a glorious crescendo over the next few weeks, with some ‘big reveal’ at the end, but that’s not the way this course works. There is no closely guarded secret that I’m going to keep from you until week five. I want you to begin experiencing positive changes right now; that’s why we’re starting BIG!!

So, if today's lesson really is that important, does that mean that the other four aren’t necessary? They are absolutely necessary but, as you’ll discover, you will only feel the maximum benefit of them when you have mastered today’s lesson.

While each instalment has been designed to perfectly compliment the other four they are not entirely dependent on each other. This means you can gain from any of the tips or techniques I’m going to teach you by using them in isolation, or in any order. However, if you do follow and practice all of the steps in the order you receive them, I know you will start to feel a major boost to that sense of fulfilment you have towards your life.

So, let’s begin...

WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?

Before you can achieve a life that fulfils you in every way it is imperative that you take stock of your own identity. By this I mean you must recognise and understand your self image.

Creating a powerful positive self image is the key to achieving almost anything you can imagine.

 

But what exactly is your self image?

It’s the opinion you have about the kind of person you are. In the same way that you form opinions and make judgements on other people, you also have a very strong set of beliefs about yourself; who you are, what you are capable of, and what you deserve in your life.

The self image often shows up in the way people talk, especially when they refer to themselves using ‘I’ statements:

• I’m not very good in social situations
• I am a loyal and loving friend
• I just lack a bit of confidence
• I’m not ready for that promotion
• I’m a budding Richard Branson
• I’m always messing things up
• I’m not marriage material
• Etc, etc….

It really is a fruitless exercise to fantasise about a tomorrow full of health, wealth and happiness if today you are holding onto an image of yourself that is incongruent with the type of person you’d need to be to achieve those things you desire.

For example, many people dream of having more money or living in a bigger house, but in reality their self image tells them that they are not the sort of person who can earn the six figure salary required to make this happen. The power of the self image is such that it is not their lack of ability that prevents them from realising their dream (thousands of people have made a fortune without being especially skilled or educated) but rather the thought they have about their ability to make it happen. In other words they have a belief that limits the choices they are able make about their future. Surprise surprise, this is what’s known as a ‘self-limiting belief’.

You have beliefs about every aspect of your life - some empower you and some hold you back - but it’s the ones that are connected to your self image that ultimately define you. As Brian Tracy once said:

“The person we believe ourselves to be will always act in a manner consistent with our self image”.

This is very significant because the level of fulfilment you are experiencing in your life right now is the result of the thoughts, words and behaviours (actions) you generated that led you here!

Now, before you get mad at me for accusing you of being the reason you are not living the life you deserve, I want you to realise one thing. Every thought you have leads to some kind of physical outcome, be that something you say, something you do (or don’t do), or simply an emotion you feel in relation to your thoughts. This is happening every second of your life and is having a very real effect on the world around you. It is a chain reaction:

Your self image leads you to think certain thoughts – those thoughts lead you to behave in certain ways – those behaviours have an effect on the world around you – the world around you becomes a reflection of your sense of personal fulfilment and life satisfaction.

An example of this is the phenomenon that you will not earn a penny more than you think you are worth. This sounds crazy, but it’s true! Everyone has a level of wealth that they feel comfortable with. That is why people who come into money quickly often end up losing it. Their self image cannot handle such a massive wealth adjustment.

WOW, heavy stuff!! But it doesn’t have to be. The great news is there are easy ways to create the kind of self image that will lead you to have more empowering thoughts, which in turn will make you take positive action towards to a more fulfilling future.

First things first, though. In order to get to where you want to go you have to know where you are starting from. Read through these questions and give yourself plenty of time to formulate an honest answer to each one:

• Do you like yourself?
• What type of person are you?
• Are your needs more important than other peoples’ or visa versa?
• What kind of a partner are you?
• What kind of a mother / father / sister / brother / friend are you?
• What kind of an employee / boss are you?
• What do you think other people say about you when you’re not there?
• What can others learn from you?
• How much money do you deserve?
• Are you the type of person you’d want to be friends with?
• Do you take compliments well?
• If you were to suddenly start living the life of your dreams tomorrow, how would you feel about it? Comfortable? A bit nervous? Scared witless?

 

I hope you have taken the time to consider these questions carefully because, while they do not cover every nuance of your character, the answers you give will certainly be quite indicative of the quality of your self image.

It’s interesting that any person who asks themselves these questions will have a very personal and unique response to them. Whatever their response, though, it’s a sure bet that they’ll feel certain they have answered each question correctly. And that’s exactly what beliefs are – feelings of certainty. In fact we are so good at relying on our feelings of certainty about these kinds of things that we mistakenly think of them as facts.

If you are serious about doing what it takes to live a more fulfilling life you must stop thinking of your self image as anything other than just a flimsy thought.

 

The only fact that you can rely on is that you have it in you to transform your self image into whatever you want it to be. There is a natural law that states if you start thinking better thoughts about yourself, regardless of whether you have any evidence to back them up, you will start to change your behaviours and act in a way that’s more congruent with that better version of you, and therefore you will begin to notice better quality results.

Most people recognise that they have positive and negative aspects to their self image all mixed up together. I doubt very much that there is, or ever has been, a person only thinks good things about themselves. Being a little bit critical of yourself is part of being human, but it’s vital that the good far outweighs they bad if you are ever to fall deeply in love with your life.

CHALLENGING LIMITING BELIEFS

Now that you’ve started to think more deeply about your own self image I’d like you separate the positive parts (i.e. the things you like about yourself and that empower you) from the parts that you don’t like so much and really don’t help you at all (thoughts that are probably holding you back from a greater sense of fulfilment). Following these steps will help you:

1. Take a piece of paper and draw a line down the middle to form two columns. Label the left hand column ‘LIKE’ and the right one ‘DON’T LIKE’.

2. In the ‘LIKE’ column list as many things as you can think of that you really do like about yourself. These will be the kind of things that give you a good feeling and that you think are empowering. [Examples: I am very caring and a great listener / I am good a solving problems creatively / I am honest and loyal to my friends / I am always up for learning new things] Keep going until you have filled the column and if need be use the reverse of the paper.

3. Now, in the ‘DON’T LIKE’ column, make a list of the negative beliefs you’ve held about yourself that have stopped you feeling happier in certain areas of your life. If this feels a bit weird or uncomfortable don’t worry, that’s normal, you’ve probably just not thought about your self image with this much clarity before. Just go with it and be as honest as you can be. [Examples: I’m a procrastinator / people laugh at me behind my back / I’ll never be a good as her / I feel like I’m a fraud / good things don’t happen to me / I’ll never be rich]

Review what you have written on the ‘Don’t Like’ list and highlight the belief you think has been having the most negative influence over you - even if right now you think of it as more of a truth than a belief.

Now, ask yourself these four following questions. They originate from the work of a very talented teacher, Byron Katie, and can be used to challenge any limiting belief. Please make sure you are as honest as possible with your answers:

1. Is it true?
2. If yes, can you ABSOULTELY know that it’s true – like there is only one truth - or could there be room for doubt?
3. How do you react – what happens – when you think that thought?
4. Who would you be without that thought?

When I use these questions to challenge peoples’ limiting beliefs the usual response to “Is it true?” is “Yes, of course it’s true”. For example, if the belief is that they are a procrastinator, they’ll think that because they’ve procrastinated in the past that makes them an inherently lazy person, so to them the belief is true. However, when I challenge them with “Can you absolutely know it’s true?” they begin to doubt the validity of their conviction. They might say something along the lines of “Well, I guess I don’t procrastinate about everything, just some things, so it’s more about the tasks than me as a person”.

Asking yourself how you react when you think that thought highlights that it is YOU who determines how you act and feel in relation to your belief. For example, “When I think that I’m a procrastinator I get very down on myself, and in a weird kind of way I’m giving myself permission not to get things done”.

The fourth question, “Who would you be without that thought?” is a powerful one. It suggests that...

...if your belief is just a thought then you are free not think it, and of course, if you don’t think it you are free from your reaction to it.

Hmmm interesting, eh? For the procrastinator the answer might be “Well if I didn’t have this thought I’d me more incline to find ways of getting my tasks completed. Maybe I’d be free to think of ways I could get motivated to do them.”

Now for the most important step – The Turnaround. This is where you take your original limiting belief and rephrase it so that it has the opposite meaning. You can rephrase this in which ever way you like as long as it forms a new positive statement. E.g. rather than “I am a procrastinator” you could use “I am a doer” or “I’m motivated to get things done”.

The purpose of The Turnaround is to get you to think about where in your life you are already demonstrating the opposite of your old limiting belief. Beliefs are like table tops, they only stand up if they have enough legs to hold them, and the legs I’m referring to here is the supporting evidence you choose to focus on. As soon as you start doubting the evidence the table starts to collapse.

So here’s what to do. Write your Turnaround statement at the top of another piece of paper, and add the word ‘because…’ at the end.

E.g. “I am a doer, because…”

Now, think about all of the real reasons that already exist in your life that make this statement true. Really give this some deep thought and come up with as many reasons as you possibly can (even if they seem ridiculous).

Examples:

• …I get up and go to work everyday
• …when I find something interesting I’m naturally motivated to get involved
• …when others ask for help I’m happy to lend a hand
• …how else would I have bought and moved into the house I’m living in?
• …I’m doing this exercise, aren’t I?

 

By focusing on these reasons you are starting to reprogram your self image. You see your reality from a different, more productive perspective, which sends a very clear message to your nervous system to react in a positive way. Nothing has actually changed in reality, other than the way you are communicating to yourself, about yourself, but this is essential for becoming the person want to be. Practice doing this with all the other limiting beliefs on your ‘Don’t Like’ list and I promise you’ll quickly begin to feel very differently about who you think you are.

A PICTURE PAINTS A THOUSAND WORDS

When referring to the way people see themselves, we do not call it the “Self IMAGE” for nothing!

Challenging the negative beliefs you TELL yourself is essential, but even more important is to nurture the way you SEE yourself in your mind.

Pictures are the dominate force in your thinking and at any given moment your nervous system is responding to the imagery you create in your head. Because this is such an unconscious process you are not always aware of it happening - but it is happening - and it has complete control over how you feel and how you behave. Therefore the quality of the images, and in particular your self image, are fundamental to the sense of personal fulfilment you experience in life. In fact, your self image is SO important that it ultimately dictates the way you interact and communicate with the world around you. If you SEE yourself as lacking in confidence, then you will behave that way, and the world will treat you accordingly. However if you practice visualising yourself as supremely confident your nervous system will start to respond in the appropriate manner.

Here’s a quick exercise that I recommend you go through at least once a day for the rest of your life:

1. Think about exactly how you want your life to be in 5 years time.
2. Describe to yourself the self image you would need to have in order to achieve it.
3. Close your eyes and visualise seeing yourself living that desired future life, having adopted the necessary self image. Make the colours bright and vivid, the sound loud and crisp.
4. Imagine stepping into that future you so that you are now experiencing it through your own senses, like its happening right now.
5. Immerse yourself in the feelings of having that positive self image. How do you view things now? What are you saying about yourself?
6. Linger on this for as long as you like, then step back out and open your eyes.

Remember, the only thing that can stop you from being the person you want to be is your willingness to believe great things about yourself.

So my advice is to just believe them, and then look for the evidence, because it does already exist.

Until next time, have a wonderful week.